it has been shown that no one can leave home past their lawn without their phone. So if someone is gone,yet their ringtone is playing in that zone, correct me if I’m wrong, but logical says they must’ve been abducted my alien drones. 0.0
Don’t fall in love with the first thing cause you’re thirsting
Fall in love with the words we’ve been conversing
For the passion that is bursting
From this heart that is hurting
Don’t try lines you’ve been rehearsing
or you’ll see me reversing
like a hearse in a finished funeral
like beep beep beep
bye bye creep
knockin down a tombstone or two
running o’er your toe like “SUE ME HOE”
before I play a puppet in your humor show
I ain’t Amy Schumer, no
so if you’re coming, come prepared-not scared,
for our crazy lives to be shared.
It must be breakup season. I have seen so SO many posts via social media about broken hearts. I saw one particular post that read “all is gone.” Im not judging said person for the post. I get it. Heartbreaks hurt. But I do want to say this. You want to know what else is lost? All the memories that you would have wasted on someone who isn’t right for you. I know they aren’t right for you because they left you. Years in your kids lives with someone who chose not to be that someone anymore. You’re young. You have so much time to start making those memories with someone who actually WANTS to make those memories with you. You dont want to waste your youth with someone who is anything less than everything you want them to be. Maybe that other person is smart and funny and a good person but no more than you are also smart and funny and a good person. Do you want to know what’s really terrifying to me? Losing someone who was never ready to leave you. Spending over 30 or 40 years with someone who truly loves you and having to see that person struggle to remember who they are or to have to suddenly live without them. That is a loss. And the only thing that will (hopefully) cushion that blow will be the years joyfully spent together. Sacrificing that time and risk and pain and love on a liar, a cheater, or just someone who simply isnt all in for you is a waste of more than one life. Find someone who wouldn’t trade you for anyone or anything. I know there is no conflict worse than the thought of losing the one I love because I genuinely love him for his mind, heart, and soul. I know it’s not as easy as flipping a switch but I just ask that try to keep this in mind. One day, this will just be a phase in the past. You have to decide when that day is so that you can move on. I hope you take that other person off the pedestal today and put yourself on top. From up there, may your eyes be able to see all the possibilities that surround you.
I was a bit conflicted as to whether I should write this or not. I wondered if it were my place because I do not personally know the source of this post. I am still affected because of my care for another-and my care for people in general. This is more the product of my evolving thoughts on the matter after talking to an amazing man that I now get to call my boyfriend. I could go on about how I admire his strength and positive attitude and how I believe that everything in my life has led me here for a reason- but it is not meant to be about him or me. It is about his daughter, Rebecca. I write it because a) I feel this is a way to release my obsessive thoughts and concrete them elsewhere, b) there is no other way for to help, and c) because this is me in my most revealing form. If you’re reading this, I hope you feel me holding your hand.
When he first told me of Rebecca’s disease, I had a lot of questions. There’s not much information or awareness on Leigh’s disease because it is as rare as to only affect 1 in 40,000 newborns. The rest of the statistics are just numbers and percents that are hard to decipher from one another. Yes, it changed things. Yes I questioned things-but for the right reasons. Walking away was never a real thought to me. Yes, I stayed up reading about it until my formerly teary eyes were too tired to stay open. I fell asleep next to an over heated laptop just to wake up with it still on my mind. However, I researched to be educated– and now that I am, I claim this: the prognosis for Leigh’s does not exist. The statistics are text that did exist for other people in the past. Not Rebecca- because Rebecca’s prognosis is the future. The future is unknown to all of us. A person is not his or her disease-regardless of what is seen by others in this physical realm. For anyone reading, I want to tell you right now that someone does not need to have the ability to talk to have a voice nor does someone need to be able to physically walk to lead a journey. Sometimes, a spirit can speak louder than words. It’s one of those things that can’t be described, like looking into someone’s eyes and knowing that some hearts were just meant to meet. In a war between physical and faith, we are not afraid to be soldiers on the front line until the line is that of one scribbled in the sand that could easily be swept away by the wind. In that case, we will come with greater force of a thousand winds-yet softness of the clouds. There is a thin line between denial and hope and the secret is being prepared for the worst if it is to come, but putting more faith in the now. The now is our reality and the reality is that for as long as possible, her smiles will be returned with smiles-her very real eyes will see beauty in the world- her ears will hear positive words- and her heart will always, ALWAYS beautifully, vibrantly, and resiliently live.
First off, for the love of whatever is holy to you, stop saying things like “you look good today, you must be going on a hot date”..where did this misconception start that women must be looking good for men in general, date or no date..I can’t go anywhere without someone saying something “oh yeah you should go; there’s going to be a lot of cute guys there!” I CAN GO JUST BECAUSE ITS A FUN PLACE. Now that that’s out of the way, I can answer this big question everyone keeps pressing on me: How do I feel. How do I feel? I feel powerful. This feeling has been growing on me for a while now. In a way, I feel bad like I should be more upset when these things happen to me. It didn’t take long for me to realize how silly that was. I feel strong on my own. After everything that’s happened to me before, this is something I can walk away from with no hard feelings. I realize now more than ever that everything is ok. I will not use social media or alcohol or another person as a means to get to him or anyone else. I am too strong on my own to let my thoughts be consumed with such modern day childishness. Jealousy doesnt exist. There is only what I choose to be. If he wants or needs someone different than me, that’s ok. It is better than myself not being ok. What is not ok is to let something I know isnt right to continue on bc losing someone who doesn’t makes me feel anything less than amazing isn’t really a loss at all. For anyone. I mean I’m not saying any of this in a way to claim I feel this way because I’m just so great. Anything I say, I mean in a general way for any person out there. I know myself well enough to know that when I choose to walk away from a person, there are reasonings as to why. So, I will keep smiling and working on myself. I will keep learning. Not bc of him but for myself. I will keep reading and writing and trying new things. I will wear clothes that make me think DAMN GIRL. I will take long hot baths with face masks, drink wine, cook quaint little dinners and wear flowers in my hair. I will take care of myself inside and out-for myself. To sum it up , I will do whatever I want and look good doing it. This will lead me to someone who will appreciate all these traits about me. Someone who can partake in my adventures and weirdness and whatever life that comes our way-without me having to bargain or convince that this is what’s right. Good girls need to stop spending their time and energy on guys who expect anything from putting in minimal effort or vice versa, the same for guys with girls. Don’t settle for that. Enjoy this time! I will take this strength I have built and I will carry it on to, well, to where ever it takes me.
I feel love like distance- as though distance is something that I could reach out and physically grasp on to-something in the future, that is a blank canvas to me. Sometimes I envision it as a long balancing beam, but every step I take doesn’t get me any closer to where I want to be- the sturdy ground. A constant trial basis and one wrong step leads you to (love’s) untimely death. A feeling of outrunning storm clouds with the time ticking down and the only thing that keeps anyone going is the one they are going for. A labyrinth in which using the heart as a compass is the only way of ever getting out. Something that can make the bravest of people so scared that their self absorption can repel any potential love in their path. Like most powerful things, love can be dangerous. Love is unique as it is different for every person and couple based on their individual blend of stories. Even though both can love again, that specific love can never be recreated again. One cannot just copy and paste from one relationship to the next. Love is effort and sacrifice and other things that some learn over time but others never learn at all. Effort and sacrifice that results in far more abundant and better things. Mostly how I feel? Love is a true everyday rarity that I just haven’t been able to keep a hold to….yet. -Lora McFadden aka lomcfad